Thursday, July 24, 2014

25 reasons why humans shouldn't populate the state of Arizona

Get out while you can (and yes, these are all personal experiences).

1) When it's 114 degrees outside, it doesn't matter if it's a dry heat

2) There is no such thing as scorpion bug spray, they love to come inside your home, at night,

3) and they run faster than Forrest Gump

4) A popular landscape rock color is beige and is used all over in front and read yards, which matches the exact color of baby rattlesnakes

5) Beige carpet is a popular color in homes, which exactly matches the color of scorpions

6) Spend enough time in the desert running your dogs, and you might be stalked/chased by an irritated coyote,

7) twice.

8) It is the number one retirement state in the U.S., so if you want to drive anywhere, you should plan on taking valium and an extra 10 minutes, because you are going to get stuck behind someone that can not see over the steering wheel, and there are no highways or freeways that run through town

9) The water in your hose is scalding hot, and burns everything for about the first minute it is on, there is never an appropriate time to check if it has cooled down

10) There are earthquakes

11) When you "kill" scorpions, and leave them in a bag, they play dead and can live for up to a week without oxygen. So you shouldn't keep the bag to teach your dogs (scent training) and children to stay away from scorpions. Because when you shake the bag, it's a really exciting time for everyone involved.

12) When you walk outside at night during monsoon season, you may find a tarantula at eye level under the front porch catching bugs

13) And along with beige carpet, beige tile is popular, which also camouflages scorpions

14) There are cactus that jump, called jumping cholla, and it lodges itself into your skin with a barbed hook at the front,

15) and because that isn't scary enough, the barbs are poisonous

16) If you forget anything in your car, it melts

17) If you have nail polish in your car, it swells open and could spill on your upholstery

18) iPhones screens overheat if left in the sun for five minutes in summer

19) During the rainy season, tarantulas live in your front and backyard, and are bold

20) Trees have thorns instead of flowers

21) Worms, lizards, and frogs are deadly poisonous (centipede, millipede, gila monster, colorado river toad)

22) Wild pigs chase you (javelina)

23) There are no amusement parks or large awesome water parks

24) Dairy Queen is a necessity, not a luxury

25) The lakes are not really lakes at all, and not fit for swimming, they are manmade are filled with chemicals, but people still fish in them

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